Friendship and Forgiveness

Friendship and trust

I think it is absolutely unnecessary to write who is a friend in a girl’s life. Even if you call only one or two people your “best friend”, it is very likely that you will have also a circle of trusted friends; people with whom you will share the most intimate details of your life, each man, if something happened at work, your dreams, your fears, health details, and very important among girlfriends: broken heart.

Of course it depends from person to person, but being someone that has left home almost 10 years ago (and I am really far away from them), my friends have become my chosen family. The value I give to those people (can count them with one hand) is just impossible to measure. Very simple: If you mess with them you mess with me.

As important as I consider these relationships, I consider friendship rules GOLDEN. In my personal opinion, under any circumstance should they be broken because they are essential rules of respect and trust between one another. I would not be able to handle losing the friendship or trust of any of these people, and I will never do anything to jeopardize them; I simply won’t risk it. Think about it: I am not with the man I think would be absolutely the perfect relationship because I am afraid to lose his friendship.

My “friend” and our history

She deserves a name too. I will call her… Inamica. I can tell you this girl was a very close friend of mine, specially in terms of Classyboy. I told her things not even he knew. On day, we are walking around and she makes a remark, saying that she found my boyfriend very cute, especially since he was with me. I was a bit confused and didn’t say anything so she tried to explain what she meant.

When Classyboy and I broke up, I begged my friends not to have anything with him, especially not with this one. I loved him still and I wasn’t sure I would be able to handle it. I had discovered this pattern: All his ex’s were “friends” and they had been very close once.

You know the story of your worst breakup. Months passed and I wasn’t over him. I was only able to talk about him, think about him, and still would cry for him often. He was working in the same place, and when he was around it was like a terrible cloud of pain while I was desperately trying to concentrate and perform at work. I confessed to my friends, that at this point couldn’t hear it anymore, that even if some days were better than others I was considering to go to therapy.

So Inamica (“Traitor” in her own language) became “friends” of Classyboy. I asked her if there was something going on, she would at least tell me before I found out as I really wasn’t sure I was going to be able to cope, but she ensured me there was nothing going on, but she appreciated him so much now, and she understands so well why I loved him etc.

She broke the golden rule: My friend and my ex

It was a night in a club. Many people were drunk. At least I was, because it had become my solution to escape from the pain. As I was doing Tequila talking to someone about something irrelevant, Inamica and he were sitting just besides. He was drunk. Suddenly I saw her… she came close and kissed him. I ran out of the place… I don’t remember the next hour. My friends told me later on, that most of our group joined me outside when they saw/heard what happened and that many called her names.

My next memory is talking to him. He said he didn’t mean to hurt me. I asked him about the girl he left me for. He said they were talking and something was going on. “So what is this with her?!”- I asked him. He said “S. You were my girlfriend. She is fun for this night”. I snapped at him terribly, I gave him my honest opinion about everything. My best friends, waiting for me took me home.

The next morning, as everything was blurry and memories were not clear I felt my soul was turn apart. I didn’t know what was worse, the fact that he was kissing someone else on my face, or the fact that she had betrayed me. Definitely, it was the second one, she knew we were kinda getting back together.

As we all worked together, I sent her an E-mail saying I did feel betrayed and to begged her to keep it out of the office. I had troubles as it was. To what she replied chicky saying I was a drama queen that made her look like “the bad one in the story” and I was stupid for thinking I could own him. My only answer was “As the others told me, good luck with him”.

I stopped talking to her. Most people in our group did, at least for a while.

Forgiving my “friend”

Months afterwards Inamica contacted me. She wanted to ask for my forgiveness, she said she knew now how I felt. After those few times he had suddenly become cold, acting like she didn’t exist. Now she knew how much she hurt me, she finally had an idea of how much I was hurting (Really?! I was surprised because I told her).

I knew it would happen like that. We were on a relationship for a decent while and I got to know him, maybe too much, enough to know how he disposes of something that has bored him, and he told me that same night “she is fun for a night”. She asked if I knew if he was seeing anyone. I said “Yes, the same girl for whom he left me”. She told me she felt used, like a game for some nights, I had been his girlfriend. She confessed to me she knew he would never really like her, she wasn’t me. She asked me if I could forgive her, start a new circle.

What was I supposed to answer!? No? Of course I forgave her, not to keep anger on my heart. I forgave her long ago. We talked a few times since; we promised never to talk about Classyboy. I don’t feel I need to talk to her about anything actually, but I could be friendly, hang out with the group and stuff. But will I ever tell her something important? Trust her with something I really care about? I can’t forget, so No.

And because of that last answer followed by “period” the second checklist point is absolutely no negotiable: Never an ex of any of my friends (never mind the one they call “the love of my life”).